Yesterday, me and ciru my best friend and partner in crime gathered the balls of a zebu bull and decided to bend the law a little and have some fun na hii furahiday.
It’s not that a owe anyone an explanation but just for the records, am not that perfect Christian.
Am just one of the many that God is still working on.
So we went to Kiambu road at a certain club.We had a problem entering the bar with a Kilemba since ‘watu’ hawata understand.
You see ‘watu’ always expect ‘wakurinu’ to be perfect, so if a ‘mukurinu’ is spotted at a club ‘watu’ believe that he/she should be publicly pilloried and be exiled from the community.
We are also ‘watu’ just like everyone you know, I mean who the hell gave anyone the audacity to judge anyone?
And if having fun is a sin then everybody shall definitely burn in hell.
So we had to disguise ourselves or take off our vilembas after we alighted from the uber.
The uber driver made a u turn and was surprised to see us without vilemba.
“Jesus” he whispered,
“No” I shouted, “Jesus has nothing to do with this, ebu shika shughuli yako”.
We entered the bar and took sits, a waiter appeared. “tuuzie pombe”, we told him
“Gani” he snapped
“gai, si pombe kwani ni nini inauzwa apa?
“Tunataka kulewa lewa nataka kulewa lewa” we sang.
He brought us a tall bottle named Gilbeys full of water and two glasses.
I examined the bottle, “We tumesema tunataka pombe unatuletea maji nini mbaya na wewe, I asked.
“Fungua ukunywe utaniambia kama ni maji, he retorted and disappeared.
I unscrewed the cap and filled my glass, ciru followed suit.
I took a sip and my eyes widened, i struggled to swallow as it burned my insides.
“gai andu aya nimageragia, hii ndio wanakunywanga kila siku, no wonder maini yao inaangukanga kwa tumbo.
After a few sips my stomach was on fire, i was sweating profusely so did ciru.
We struggled to drink and after finishing the first glass, we were the richest girls in the club.
“gai ciru’ I shouted “sasa juu tumelewa nani ataendesha gari, ona kwanza tumefungiwa, na nilikuambia tu tusipark iyo Range rover yangu apo.
Ciru was busy talking to no one on her phone.
“Usirudi kunipigia simu wewe nimekuambia uwachane na mimi kabisa unaskia, she screamed and threw her phone on the table.
“Uhuru amerudi kunisumbua na simu, nashinda nikimwambia awachane na mimi haskii ata ka ye ni prezo simtaki” she said while looking at me with half opened eyes. “Ebu kunywa haraka twende unajua I have a plane to catch, i have a board meeting in new york tomorrow.
Every-bodies attention was directed to us as we bragged about our imaginary wealth.
After taking half of the second glass, I stood and shouted,
“no more drinking, watu waende nyumbani”.
“Nimesema pombe isiuzwe tena kwa hii club yangu”.